Thursday, December 29, 2011


Fuuuuuck me.
"Another BikeRumor thinnnnnnnng?"you say?Yes,because this thing is on the same level as that 29 inch clusterfuck.

So they start off by calling this bike an "Enduro machine" which is a completly false statement.I don't know how much the dorks over at BikeRumor follow enduro,but a glance at the last issue of Dirt will quickly change their choice of name for this bike.Most actual enduro bikes these days are minium 160mm of travel front and back,slack as all get out(Fabien Barel's enduro bike has a 64 headangle),have a chainguide,and also always have the absolute must on a trail bike,a dropper post.What this bike's real name should be is "Really light with shitty out of date components that only old men would ride agressive XC bike."Notice the use of the word agressive,which makes people think this bike can be fucking hammered on any terrain.

They then take a dive into the "highlights" of this agressive XC wonderbike.I will give them this,that Rocky frame is pretty rad.That being said,every other part on the "Old man singletrack litewait shred machine"is a fucking joke.Roval wheels?Really?I don't give a shit if Maclaren had something to do with the layup of these wheels or not,they're still gonna be flexy,underspoked dog turds.Obviously if you're building a trail ripping machine your first choice of tire would be a 2.0 Specialized Fast Trak 2bliss,right?Holy shit could you mount up a worse tire to a full suspension bike?I honestly couldn't think of a tire I would want stuck to my rims any less.An all Ritchey cockpit,hell yes!Some weird ass 3 bolt stem with a significant rise and absurd length,bolted up to some kickass 680mm bars,all combined with a solid fists worth of spacers.Ahhhh,comfort right there.Oh,oh...don't forget the old man/29'er enthusiast grip of choice.Any of Ergon's brightly colored multi textured shitboxes they call grips.

I do have some suggestions on how to make this steed that much more ultimate for BikeRumor though.
1.Ditch the Cateye Strada on the bars,there.Then again,you couldn't tell all your friends you hit that new top speed of 18mph down that fireroad and totally did 1500' of climbing yesterday morning.You could post it on Strava and measure your dick that way,though.
2.Take the fork lockout off.Although nothing screams "efficent climber!" like a Pro-Pedal firmed up rear end and a rock solid fork.
3.Ditch the seat that comes stock on most women's $500 hardtails and replace it with a carbon railed Silverado.
4.Maybe,just maybe some new seals on the fork?Looks a little grimey on that close up.
5.You should probably put the end cap back on the shifter to keep shit from ruining that super sweet double down click 9 speed XTR shifter.
Just some suggestions BikeRumor.

All I know is i'm sure glad my peadly bike shares nothing in common with that thing.From my 760mm bars,2.4'' tires,coil sprung fork,and chain guide.My bike is like the weird cousin who listens to too much Motorhead to the dainty little fellow who enjoys furniture from Restoration Hardware that is that Rocky Mountain.

Once again bikes should look something like this,
-8'' of travel.
-Coil suspension.
-Big bars.
-Rotor destroying brakes
-Dirtbike-esque tires.

A manly man man's bike and the current apple of my eye.The Intense m9.

No comments:

Post a Comment