Tuesday, September 4, 2012

European Bicycle.

TEAM DUMPED! presents:Shit from EuroBike 2012.

Oh fuck.This right here is the new 5.10 freerider.Thanks Adidas for buying 5.10,you made the DH shoes go from what appears to look like Army surplus boots for marching through barren deserts to something that a German raver would wear in the mid 90's.Just fucking take a pair of black Half Cabs,cobble your magical little sole onto them and charge me lots of money.Done and done.

Syntace with "negative rise" handle bars,specially designed for 29ers.So I assume wheel size dictates handle bar rise now.26'' wheels mean you run a 1'' rise,650b gets you flat bars,and 29ers are stuck with negative 1/4''.Can't wait to see some fuckstick roll his bike through my shop doors with these bad doggers bolted on.

Astro,the company that more than likely makes the bike you're riding showed up with this thing.A full carbon DH frame featuring strikingly similar looks to a Mondraker,but with the addition of some sort of shock protector,superbike fairing,aero drag-reducing downtube enhancement.What company's sticker will end up in place of Astro's?

I guess this bike is from a company called Genesis.I know nothing more than that it has 120mm of travel and is built around a 140mm travel fork.Oh,and that I fucking want it.

Oh nooooooo! What have you done Morewood?You go from producing the Makulu to this?It looks like something I can pick up at Sports Authority.Let us hope that the ugly stick that hit this thing doesn't brush up aginst the longer travel bikes in their line up.

Fucking quit it Look.You're not going to have the same success you did with the Keo pedal in the road world with this pile of shit in the mountain bike world.Let Crank Brothers do their thing while you fold up shop on the MTB side of things.

Where do I even start?The fact it's an Ellsworth?The fact it has probably the ugliest carbon seatstays of all time?The fact they brought a show bike to Europe's Interbike and didn't even attempt to apply decals to the fork lowers?Or the fact they want $3,000 for this out-dated relic of shittyness.

I feel weird saying this,but this thing looks like a dream.Yeah,it's 650b,but i'm gonna come out of my hate filled shell and say i'd be willing to give 650's more than just a shot.I don't know shit about Rotwild beyond the fact that they sponsor Ritchey Schley and they're German,but holy shit.Big-ish wheels,slack as fuck angles,and all the necessary fixings to make this bike dominate anything labeled as "trail" or "enduro".Fuck me I want one.

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