24.2.

http://www.bikerumor.com/2011/12/26/project-24-2-update-a-120mm-sub-23lb-enduro-machine/#more-38346

Fuuuuuck me.
"Another BikeRumor thinnnnnnnng?"you say?Yes,because this thing is on the same level as that 29 inch clusterfuck.

So they start off by calling this bike an "Enduro machine" which is a completly false statement.I don't know how much the dorks over at BikeRumor follow enduro,but a glance at the last issue of Dirt will quickly change their choice of name for this bike.Most actual enduro bikes these days are minium 160mm of travel front and back,slack as all get out(Fabien Barel's enduro bike has a 64 headangle),have a chainguide,and also always have the absolute must on a trail bike,a dropper post.What this bike's real name should be is "Really light with shitty out of date components that only old men would ride agressive XC bike."Notice the use of the word agressive,which makes people think this bike can be fucking hammered on any terrain.

They then take a dive into the "highlights" of this agressive XC wonderbike.I will give them this,that Rocky frame is pretty rad.That being said,every other part on the "Old man singletrack litewait shred machine"is a fucking joke.Roval wheels?Really?I don't give a shit if Maclaren had something to do with the layup of these wheels or not,they're still gonna be flexy,underspoked dog turds.Obviously if you're building a trail ripping machine your first choice of tire would be a 2.0 Specialized Fast Trak 2bliss,right?Holy shit could you mount up a worse tire to a full suspension bike?I honestly couldn't think of a tire I would want stuck to my rims any less.An all Ritchey cockpit,hell yes!Some weird ass 3 bolt stem with a significant rise and absurd length,bolted up to some kickass 680mm bars,all combined with a solid fists worth of spacers.Ahhhh,comfort right there.Oh,oh...don't forget the old man/29'er enthusiast grip of choice.Any of Ergon's brightly colored multi textured shitboxes they call grips.

I do have some suggestions on how to make this steed that much more ultimate for BikeRumor though.
1.Ditch the Cateye Strada on the bars,there.Then again,you couldn't tell all your friends you hit that new top speed of 18mph down that fireroad and totally did 1500' of climbing yesterday morning.You could post it on Strava and measure your dick that way,though.
2.Take the fork lockout off.Although nothing screams "efficent climber!" like a Pro-Pedal firmed up rear end and a rock solid fork.
3.Ditch the seat that comes stock on most women's $500 hardtails and replace it with a carbon railed Silverado.
4.Maybe,just maybe some new seals on the fork?Looks a little grimey on that close up.
5.You should probably put the end cap back on the shifter to keep shit from ruining that super sweet double down click 9 speed XTR shifter.
Just some suggestions BikeRumor.

All I know is i'm sure glad my peadly bike shares nothing in common with that thing.From my 760mm bars,2.4'' tires,coil sprung fork,and chain guide.My bike is like the weird cousin who listens to too much Motorhead to the dainty little fellow who enjoys furniture from Restoration Hardware that is that Rocky Mountain.

Once again bikes should look something like this,
-8'' of travel.
-Coil suspension.
-Big bars.
-Rotor destroying brakes
-Dirtbike-esque tires.



A manly man man's bike and the current apple of my eye.The Intense m9.



All that is wrong.

http://www.bikerumor.com/2011/12/19/custom-di2-giant-anthem-x-29er-mountain-bike-by-eden-bcycles/#more-38221

Stop.Just fucking stop.
I don't know who or what Eden Bicycles is but I hate them.I mean look at this clusterfuck they call a "engineering exercise".They start with a bike that I see wayyyyy too many of out on the trails,all piloted by the same I think i'm fast as fuck captain 29'er.Then they "retrofitted"(editors note:this is what i'm goning to start telling customers..."yeah,yeah I can retrofit that rear derailer by Wensday") an XTR XC group on there,but subbed out the derailers and shifters for Di2 shit.They also "custom cut" a new pulley cage for the rear derailer,which in the close up picture looks like my Dad drunkenly sketched onto a piece of sheet alumnium and cut it out with a dull skill saw.

To me,this bike sums up everything I hate about bikes I hate.29'ers suck and are crutches for people who don't have the want nor skill to learn how to properly ride a bike.They're for roadies who dabble in the dirt/roadie converts,too.Di2 is cool.Far better than the unreleased Campy EPS simply on principal.But it can stay on road bikes for all I care.Waterproof connections?I'll believe it when they get a season of mud,sand,rockstrikes,and water all mixed into one and that shit still works.Also,what the fucks wrong with XT Dyna-sys?It's ever smooth and consistant even when coated in shit shifting is too sub-par for you?You hate 2 way Rapid fire shifters that have been the norm for the last 15 years and enjoy 2 tiny,really close together buttons?

Just leave bikes the way they're ment to be,Eden.8'' of travel,coil sprung,chain guide,big bars,and gnarly powerful brakes.Then we'll be alright.



How a bike should be.Mmmmm.



Pick me!..part 2.

So here's the second take on Pinkbike's top picks.This time around we're gonna take a look at the list of ex-MBA editor and all around general mountain bike doofer,Richard Cunningham.
He starts his list off with saying the "best new idea" is Shimano's little plus switch on XTR derailers.Well,fuckin-a we can both agree on something I guess.I'm gonna skip over the "someone finally got it right" award because i've never ridden SPD pedals before because I started clipping in on the best,Crank Brothers,and have never needed to try the second best.I'll also be leaving the "simple is better" category alone because Commencal's ride like a dream and I don't need anyone to tell me why.Then we stumple upon the "favorite trail/AM tire" which,drumroll please,is the...wait,what the fuck?The Schwalbe Hans Dampf.I mean honestly look at that piece of shit.Square center knobs and HUGE gaps between every knob.You're gonna tell me that that rolls fast and hooks up,because i'm calling 100% horseshit on that.Every Schwalbe tire i've ridden has been either this,a fucking ice skate or a damn diesel locomotive.Underbuilt with a weird tread pattern,or overbuilt,heavy,and slow.Hey,RC do yourself a favor and go grab a Weirwolf 2.3,Wolverine 2.2,or a Mutano 2.4 then report back to me and tell me what you think of your Hans Dampf.I don't even understand the "we get it" award.Seems like another stroke added on Sram's dick."Comeback kids",Marzocchi.Hell yeah.My 04' 888 kicked ass and the 2011 888 kicks ass.Long live 437 gallons of fork oil inside of your stanctions."An argument against flats"...yeah,Danny Hart is pure fucking loose cannon talent but roughly 4 years ago Sam Hill put in more time on the rest of the field on the same course(granted far better weather conditions) on flats.Then came back in the finals,in the same weather conditions Hart had,ate shit then made up loads of time and finished second while everyone else was O.T.A.All on flats.Flats rule and always will.Ask Cully,Hill,Fairclough,and the flats master himself,Kovarik.Magura as the "favorite technical trail brake"?Ever heard of new generation XT?Or Saint?Theeeerrreee we go.There's some fucking brakes for you.Not some German shit boxes that run on proprietary fluid.

Once again,you're saying "You just hate too much,have an open mind."Well,here's my list...then look at back at RC's list and tell his isn't shit.

-Best new idea-RC nailed it,the Plus switch.Can't wait for Saint+.
-Someone finally got it right-Gravity Dropper.They've had it right for like 10 years,too.
-Simple is better-Yep,Commencal.Shows what a single pivot and a little bit of linkage can do.
-Favorite trail/AM tire-Anything WTB.Prove me wrong.
-We get it-I still have no idea what this award is for.
-Comeback kids-Trek.Remember the Liquid?Now look at the Remedy and Slash.Comeback indeed.
-An argument against flats-Fight Kovarik...I dare you.
-Comeback kid 2-Still Trek.The Diesel DH and the Session 10 to carbon wonder bike Session 9.9.
-Favortie technical trail brake-Shimano,Shimano,Shimano.
-Bucket list-Any dual slalom race ever.



The Diesel.Ouch,my eyes.



Pick me!

So Pinkbike has been running a "Top Picks" thing for a couple of days.They've honestly picked some ridiculous catagories and even more ridiculous shit to go in them.Most promising technology went to 29'ers as a whole?Mike Levy then goes on to talk about the normal shit every 26'' quitter talks about."Ohhh,no the wheels are stiff,a 4'' travel 29'er feels the same as a 6'' travel 26'er,and blahblahblahthey'rethewaveofthefuture."He gives the normal speech of "but,yeah...I still ride gnarly shit and stuff and like to earn my turns."No you don't.Cause you can't turn those fuckers without the front wheel pushing or you high siding.He closes his blurb saying that nobody's forcing you to ride 29'' wheels and that having 2 different ride characteristics will be a good thing.Yeah,it is good.Cause it'll seperate the people who are boring fun haters from the people who find seatbouncing things fun.The rest of Mr.Levy's article is filled with pictures of men in sleeveless shirts skidding down some rocks,him saying 1x10 drivechains are a trend and not that they are the only way your bike should be set up because front derailers are sent dircetly from the deepest,darkest pit of hell,claiming the Reverb seat post is the "clear leader" in the dropper post category which mkaes me wonder if Gravity Dropper really is as small of a company as they truly are,and he then throws down a claim that makes anything he says for the rest of his life invalid.He proclaims the Superfly 100 to be his "Bike of the year".Holy fucking shit.Apparently Levy's taste in bikes revolves around half cooked spaghetti,short travel,and wagon wheels.

Now you're probably saying,"Well fuck you...what would your top picks be?"I'll answer that for you...
-Favorite new product-Shimano 10 speed mountain stuff.
-Best product under $50-Renthal kevlar grips.
-Most promising technology-WTB TCS shit.
-Best destination-The stuff TEAM DUMPED! builds that we won't show you.
-Best underdog performance-Gravity Dropper.
-Best gear trend-E13 LG1+ guides,but they ain't a trend,motherfucker.
-Favorite bike-My Green Machine.Guarenteed 29er door-blower-offer.
-Best product-Point One as a company.

I'll get to you,Richard Cunningham,later...

Lockdown.

That is the biggest problem these days, a lot of guys don't seem to understand how frustrating it can be. This is why I don't take people scouting or digging with me anymore. You put so much time and effort into an area...to have someone find it or hear about and come poach it just grinds my gears. I mean, it's not like you own that land where your zone is, but when you start developing that area and putting in the time and effort, you sort of stake a claim. Just because you're digging on one thing doesn't mean you're going to dig on another in that area. So when someone comes into that zone and starts building something a few yards away or starts digging ON your line or even just full-on poaches what you have built, it's very frustrating.
     There are a lot of poachers out here, scavengers, coyotes, whatever you want to call them. I've had people even film and take photos on my lines before I even get to shoot them, which then makes that line pretty much unusable for me. It really sucks to see hours and weeks of hard work get raped like that, It's one of those unwritten codes that you just don't break. There are alot of riders out there today that have coasted off of others vision and hard work.


That's an excerpt from an interview with Graham Agassiz over on Vital.I'm psyched that a pro can come out and say that,believe it or not there are probably people getting slightly offended over that.I'm currently dealing with a massive quanity of poachers on a trail that i've been digging on for roughly 10 years on and off.This trail runs near an XC trail and through some space that's owned by a logging company.It's a good little spot.Mainly off the beaten path,good dirt,lots of trees,and is shuttleable.She was kept pretty damn secret up untill about 3 years ago.Word of said trail spread from friends,to friends of friends,to friends of friends of friends,all the way to that all knowing,all seeing bastard the internet.Before I know it,i'm running into groups of dudebros on Konas putting down my trail.There's mutiple trucks of people shuttling my trail.There's shotty jumps being built on my trail,and worst of all there's people tearing down MY work on MY trail because it's too hard for them.There's no fucking worse feeling in the world then hiking up a trail only to see the sweet,perfectly gapped double you built 3 days ago turned into 2 piles of dirt and logs with Kenda Nevegal prints all over the place.It's this weird mixture of anger,dissapointment,sadness,and hopelessness.You rebuild anyhow,but deep down inside you know it's a futile attempt.You know it will be destroyed once again.I guess people don't relize how selfish they're being when they do that to a trail.Let me break it down from their point of view...
-I can't clear this double.
-Somebody else built this,and they built it for their skill level.It doesn't work for me.
-I want to keep riding this trail,but do not want to deal with this jump.
-I will tear this down so I can ride this trail.
-Success,the jump has been delt with,now I can ride this trail.
-The Kona stinky is the best bike ever.Also,this Giro Remedy is very comfrotable and stylish.
Basically,think of it like this,somebody goes through all the trouble to make reservations at a nice restaurant and buy you a nice present.When the 2 of you get to dinner you open the present and proclaim you don't like it,on top of that when the food arrives you say it's shit and insist on going to Taco Bell.That's what people fucking with your trail feels like.All that time and thought and goes to waste.

Now I don't really mind people riding stuff i've built or had a hand in building.In a dream world only I and a few select others would get to ride the fruits of our labor,but this is real life and that's never gonna happen.I just wish people would leave well enough alone.If you do wanna pick up a shovel,do helpful sutff.Clean out berms,pack the back and sides of jumps,fix bomb holes and keep brush and weeds from intruding.

As Graham said,it's an unwritten law.
Don't fuck with my shit.



Trail poacher,example #1.



I come from a land down under.

http://www.vitalmtb.com/videos/member/Australian-National-Round-1-Thredbo,10806/mporafr,9125

That video pretty much sums up why I like downhill bikes.Kits,nice bikes,good tracks,and shitty loose corners.The more I thought about how cool the Aussie DH scene is,the more I noticed our 'Merican scene sucks...hard.The lack of a solid race series is the biggest kick in the jeans.Remember when NORBA's used to be mini world cups?Having the NORBA title at the end of the year used to mean something,now the series doesn't exsist and has been split into about 50 other ones.It used to be all your events at one place over the course of a weekend.DH,Slalom/4x,XC,and short track.No longer is that the case.XC has their own deal now,still ran through USA Cycling and all the "gravity" stuff was pretty much left on it's ass to die.Luckily some people stepped in and took control.But the events are sporadic,hold little to no UCI points,and most of the time,lack a chairlift.

I just feel like a solid series back here in the States shouldn't be that hard to do.I'm not saying I could do it,i'm far to lazy to handle the logistics and whatnot,but here's my idea for a NORBA-esque US mountain bike race series.

-Do them at ski resorts.Not on some hill that used to be your local spot,or some ranch out in the middle of no where.You're not gonna draw in a crowd when you have to park your car two miles away from the racing and walk in on deer trails.I know it probably costs alot more to do this,but it makes the most sense.

-Enclude enduro/all mountain style racing.Lots of people like this stuff,think it's worth their money and already have the bike for it.

-Do the racing like this.Friday is open practice for everything,capped off with the finals of gated racing.Saturday is XC in the early morning,they like to be up that early anyway.Saturday afternoon/evening is enduro finals and Sunday is short track in the early morning with DH finals from early afternoon to evening.Sprinkle in some practice for everything over the course of the weekend and nobody's bummed on their race weekend.

-Make entry fees reasonable.I'm not gonna pay $80 for your shuttle/chairlift-less DH.Discounts for mutiple race entries,blah,blah,blah.

-Do an end all,be all championship.Not National Champs,but a series specific championship.

-UCI points.Seriosuly.How are we gonna get 'Merican racers to world cups if they don't have UCI points?Exactly.

So yeah.There's that.Maybe someone will do this at somepoint.Maybe not.Maybe i'll just move to Aussie land.

Why I hate Cyclocross.

I like bikes.All kinds of bikes.While I talk shit on most kinds of bikes that aren't 26'' wheeled,designed for slalom,or have 6 to 8'' of travel,it's all in good fun.But there is one type of bicycle that I truly have disdain for,the cyclocross bike.Every time I see one of these confused bastards I feel sorry for the cycling "industry".It's like Europe brought us the black plauge over again.

35 to 38c knobby tires,drop bars,road drivechain,32 hole wheels and worst of all,occasionally disc brakes.They just serve absolutely no purpose in my mind.Then there's the riders of these contraptions.They usually can't hold it together on a mountain bike,and also feel like they accel at riding road.So it's the perfect world for them.Redline yourself for 30 minutes all the while just riding along a relatively non-complex piece of double track and constantly getting on and off your bike to walk over those things horses jump over in competitions.I think that's one of the reasons I don't like this genre of riding.The one thing I hate doing while i'm out on a ride is having to fully dismount my bike,climb over or up something,then remount said bicycle.Really interrupts that noiseless fun zone you get into on a bike.Last but not least,the racing itself."Yeah,punk rock chaos!Woooooo!"That's what I feel like every fan of cyclocross has going through their heads while they're at a race.Lets hand out shitty beer and candy on every lap,that makes our sport stand out more!Yet these are the same poeple that get offended when I boo Brian Lopes and blast Cat 3's with my air horn at Sea Otter.It's all bike racing,just because it's "supposed" to be rowdy doesn't mean that's the only place you can be.

I dunno.
I guess I just don't get it.Probably never will.
You have fun ice skating around on your 38c Ritchey tires,i'll be grining my dick off as i'm fully hooked up on my 2.4 WTB's.