Friday, January 25, 2013
Hold the phone!
Now everyone can enjoy the poor shifting qualities of Sram's XX1,without having to spend all that pesky money!New and improved for even pooring shifter quality!
-TEAM DUMPED!
Tire choice,and what it says about you.
Tires are something I kinda nerd out on.
I've spent a considerable amount of time and money swaping rubber rings on and off of my various bicycles.What has this left me with?A few garbage bags filled with tires worthy of the landfill,tires that are kept for secret weapons carefully stored for one weekend a year,or a stockpile of a certain favorite in varying sizes and compounds.What else has this left me with?The ability to know,just by sight,if someones bike is gonna suck,and what they're all about.So with that I present you with this...
The mudspike-You've got money to burn.That Session 9.9 isn't gonna handle half as good without the help of some mudspikes,right?Sorry,hoss,but it's summertime,you're 38 years old,and just because half the field is running them at Val Di Sole doesn't mean they're gonna tear shit up at your local ski hill with 600 feet of vertical drop.
The Schwalbe-You know the guy who thinks he has a refined taste in everything but really infact just buys things sight unseen soley based on the fact that they're expensive?That guy runs Schwalbes.Also,the MTBR 29er preacher tire of choice.
The Minnion-You're terrified of change.You go to sleep every night telling yourself that it's ok that it's already showing sings of wear after only two outings.That means the compound is just sooooo sticky and awesome.$180 in tires every 3 weeks comes with the territory of owning a downhill bike,right?There can't possibly be anything out there that works as good but is half the price and lasts longer.
The Continental-You're a retro grouch.Plain and simple.Go back to 1996 where these tires made fucking sense.As a matter of fact,take your V-brakes,bar ends,and titanium flat bars back with you.Just because they make tires for cars and shit doesn't mean you're going to end up with a quality tire.Conti's are only allowed on road bikes.(Ed. note-I currently run,and have ran for the past 2 seasons on my downhill bike,Conti tires.They were free,last a whole season,and make Northstar seem like it's made out of velcro.So fuck you.)
The Intense tire-You ride a 2001 Norco VPS,atleast one of your bikes has a 24'' wheel,and you often ride in khaki cargo shorts and a moto jersey that's three sizes too big.The only reason you bought these is because Jenson USA was out of blowout priced Michelin tires.
-TEAM DUMPED!
Monday, January 21, 2013
The rules.
http://www.velominati.com/the-rules/
Apparently,those,are the rules.
The rules of which you're to follow if you're a cyclist.
Now,I don't really consider myslef a cyclist.Sure,I work at a shop,own three bikes,ride on occasion,and spend most of my free time looking at cycling related things on the interweb,but i'm not a cyclist.A cyclist to me,involves having a beard,wearing a slightly oversized and completely worn out kit,complete with a Giro helmet from 17 years ago and those weird Shimano SPD compatable hiking boot shoes,and riding some sort of Trek road bike from the mid 90's to very early 2000's.Then there's the other side of "cyclist" that I see.You often see these folk riding out in shitty weather conditions,wearing a factory ass team kit with under helmet cap included,riding an old-ish carbon Look or mid 2000's Specialized Allez.They're running a Power Tap rear wheel,typically laced to an Open Pro,have on whatever pair of Oakleys Cavendish is wearing,and they always,always,always bring in their bike dirt bag filthy and need it while they fucking wait.I call those cyclists "fucking nerds."Why? Because they are.They think riding in the rain makes you "hard."They race crits,albiet in 32-39 Cat.3,and they have no idea how to work on their bike,but they do anyway.Said rules,are for the affore mentioned "cyclist".
I read through these rules and a couple jumped out at me at proving that these are written by and ment for,complete full-blown,fucking Joes.
Rule#5-No.I won't.I hate riding in the wind and I refuse to ride in the rain because I hate spending hours trying to track down the new creek my bike developed.Also,I have shitty wrists and knees.Fuck you if you ever tell me to "Harden up" if I refuse a ride.
Rule #9-It doesn't.It means you hate yourself,your bike,and being healthy.
Rule#18-Wrong.Any lycra for the road bike,baggies for anything over 4'' of travel,skin suits for any important or big race on any sort of bicycle.
Rule#23-The tuck is for any paved downhill.Aero=faster.Ex,F1 cars are aero as fuck.
Rule#24-Nope,this is America,Chief.
Rule#27-The taller the better.Ankle and lower is out.
Rule#28-Black,black,and black only.
Rule#32-They're never "cool",I can't store everything I need for a solo Downieville trip in jersey pockets,though.
Rule#37-Mine don't fit if I do that,so fuck you.
Rule#60-So it's a pain in the ass to get a pump on and off,also crooked valve stems are in,considering none of you Joes know how to install your own tube properly.
Rule#65-Don't.Just don't.Because you don't know how.Also,wiping your chain down and Windexing the main tubes of your bike isn't maintanince.
Rule#67-No.Fucking.Way.
Rule#73-The fuck outta here.Here's how it should be if it's a road bike,with commonly placed cable stops.Right shifter cable into right cable stop with just enough length to allow the front wheel to hit the 90 degree turn mark and goes INBETWEEN headtube and front brake cable,mirror that on the left(barrel adjuster included),cables should NEVER cross under the down tube.Front brake housing cut to sit right below stem faceplate,rear brake cable housing cut to run infront of headtube into correct cable stop on the left side of the top tube.
Now maybe,just maybe if you would listen to TEAM DUMPED! and not a bunch of Merckx loving dick gymnasts you wouldn't look like a dork and you'd actually have fun on your bike.
-TEAM DUMPED!
Apparently,those,are the rules.
The rules of which you're to follow if you're a cyclist.
Now,I don't really consider myslef a cyclist.Sure,I work at a shop,own three bikes,ride on occasion,and spend most of my free time looking at cycling related things on the interweb,but i'm not a cyclist.A cyclist to me,involves having a beard,wearing a slightly oversized and completely worn out kit,complete with a Giro helmet from 17 years ago and those weird Shimano SPD compatable hiking boot shoes,and riding some sort of Trek road bike from the mid 90's to very early 2000's.Then there's the other side of "cyclist" that I see.You often see these folk riding out in shitty weather conditions,wearing a factory ass team kit with under helmet cap included,riding an old-ish carbon Look or mid 2000's Specialized Allez.They're running a Power Tap rear wheel,typically laced to an Open Pro,have on whatever pair of Oakleys Cavendish is wearing,and they always,always,always bring in their bike dirt bag filthy and need it while they fucking wait.I call those cyclists "fucking nerds."Why? Because they are.They think riding in the rain makes you "hard."They race crits,albiet in 32-39 Cat.3,and they have no idea how to work on their bike,but they do anyway.Said rules,are for the affore mentioned "cyclist".
I read through these rules and a couple jumped out at me at proving that these are written by and ment for,complete full-blown,fucking Joes.
Rule#5-No.I won't.I hate riding in the wind and I refuse to ride in the rain because I hate spending hours trying to track down the new creek my bike developed.Also,I have shitty wrists and knees.Fuck you if you ever tell me to "Harden up" if I refuse a ride.
Rule #9-It doesn't.It means you hate yourself,your bike,and being healthy.
Rule#18-Wrong.Any lycra for the road bike,baggies for anything over 4'' of travel,skin suits for any important or big race on any sort of bicycle.
Rule#23-The tuck is for any paved downhill.Aero=faster.Ex,F1 cars are aero as fuck.
Rule#24-Nope,this is America,Chief.
Rule#27-The taller the better.Ankle and lower is out.
Rule#28-Black,black,and black only.
Rule#32-They're never "cool",I can't store everything I need for a solo Downieville trip in jersey pockets,though.
Rule#37-Mine don't fit if I do that,so fuck you.
Rule#60-So it's a pain in the ass to get a pump on and off,also crooked valve stems are in,considering none of you Joes know how to install your own tube properly.
Rule#65-Don't.Just don't.Because you don't know how.Also,wiping your chain down and Windexing the main tubes of your bike isn't maintanince.
Rule#67-No.Fucking.Way.
Rule#73-The fuck outta here.Here's how it should be if it's a road bike,with commonly placed cable stops.Right shifter cable into right cable stop with just enough length to allow the front wheel to hit the 90 degree turn mark and goes INBETWEEN headtube and front brake cable,mirror that on the left(barrel adjuster included),cables should NEVER cross under the down tube.Front brake housing cut to sit right below stem faceplate,rear brake cable housing cut to run infront of headtube into correct cable stop on the left side of the top tube.
Now maybe,just maybe if you would listen to TEAM DUMPED! and not a bunch of Merckx loving dick gymnasts you wouldn't look like a dork and you'd actually have fun on your bike.
-TEAM DUMPED!
Monday, December 24, 2012
Dirt Jumps
Yours truly Team Dumped happen to have some sweet dirt jumps. Check out a quick gopro from a day of digging, taking a break and riding the little line. Jazzy Jeff brings it home on this one. Come have some fun with us.
Also were still on the original gopro, check that shit out.
Also were still on the original gopro, check that shit out.
eurekagopro1219 0001 from Camden Bos on Vimeo.
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
Try again.
Paul hub shell.
Industry 9 freehub body.
$426.
It's like somebody took a typewriter and plugged a shitty,shiny computer into it.Basic and old meets new and over complicated.All at twice the price of a Hope Pro 2.
Good luck,Paul.
Goooooood luck.
-TEAM DUMPED!
Friday, December 14, 2012
You're outta your element.
So roughly 3 weeks ago I got the idea in my head that I would like to indulge in racing a bit of cyclocross.I tossed the idea out to a select few others,and a plan was formed.We got the date nailed down,decided everyone would show up on a mountain bike,and just give it hell.We were damn sure of ourselves,knowing that our background of various sorts of riding and racing should have a bunch of dorks on road bikes riding in the mud covered.Plus,we were racing C class...nobody's gonna be a specimen of fitness in C class,right?Fuckin'-A were we in for a rude awakening.
So join me,if you will,for a personal account of TEAM DUMPED!'s first stab at a cross race from Wednesday,12/12/12.
4:45pm-Blast out the front doors at work and get into my car.I've got no money in my pocket and 15 minutes untill reg opens.Hammer over to the bank,hit the quick cash button on the ATM and make my way down to the Rodeo Grounds.
5:02pm-Make the scene and pull up next to Cam's truck.Garry T,Cam,and Cody have all been there since 4:30 and have already ridden a practice lap.Garry's on his dirtjump bike with the seatpost pulled up to the maximum height mark and a pair of SPD's slapped on,Cody nabbed a size small rental Camber 29 from work and is wearing shorts,a t-shirt,and a full cut Pro-Tec,despited it being in the low 50's with a chance for drizzle.Cam's seated aboard a clapped Diamondback X-link from the fucking turn of the Millenium with a skate helmet and goggles on.I ask them where reg is,fill out my waiver,hand over $25,and the only thing the girl who's running reg says to me is "There's a alot of you team dumped guys tonight.".Hurry back to my car so I can throw on a base layer,a flannel,some jeans,and a pair of near gripless Emericas,shoddily pin my number to somewhere on my back and raise the post of my Tazer like 2 inches,so atleast I can sit down kind of.At this point the race starts in about 10 minutes,no time for a practice lap.I'm going in blind.
5:30pm-The whistle blows and we're off.TEAM DUMPED! pulls a four man holeshot all the way through the first two straights,that is untill we hit the one and only hill on the course.I don't see it comming and pretty much try to grunt it out in something like 7th gear on my 36 tooth,11-25 set up.Pretty much everyone blows my doors off.Make it to the top with my knees all sorts of pissed off,spin across the parking lot and hit dirt.First stretch of dirt opens up with a greasy right handed flat corner into a series of soul sucking wet grass switchbacks,which if those wern't enough,a sand section was thrown half way in just to attempt to suck your liver out even more so.Got out of that mess and saw the trail pointed down,opened 'er up and made my way down the somewhat well lit but fucking snotty section that led us down into the woods.Multiple sections of off camber,wayyyy to tight of turns,a couple of barriers,and one hell of a muddy shithole make up a majority of the woods.I spin out in the mudhole and almost lose my shoe in it,clumsily make my way over the barriers,and almost go straight over the bars in a surprisingly deep G-out.A couple more pedal sections and some meandering turns and i'm back on the pavement.Lap one in the books.
Lap 2-I kind of catch my breath on the pavement,actaully pick the right gear to get up the hill in and sort of know where i'm going and what the course is like.I throw some roost here and there,make it through said shithole and actually start to see people again.At this point,i'm actually having fun.Every corner is greasy and causes some sort of drift to a varying degree.I'm feeling alright.According to the timing sheet I saw after the race this was also my quickest lap of the night.
Lap 3-Pretty much the same as lap 2.Still having fun,made my way around a couple of people and continue banging corners and hanging some feet off.Co-worker/homeboy/fit son of a bitch,Aaron,is behind me casually spinning along forcing me to keep going.
Lap 4-Now it sets in.My hands are numb from the cold,the band-aid that is keeping my previously sliced open at work pinky finger together is stuck to my grip,i've got mud in my eyes,my knees feel like they're going to explode,and my bike weighs an extra 10 pounds courtesy of all the mud stuck to it.There's no way my knees are letting me make it up that hill again,so I get off and shuffle my way up the short,but steep little bastard.Re-mount and hit dirt again.The switchbacky wet grass part nearly kills me,I spin out yet again in the shithole,and walk over the barriers.I make it onto the pavement doing a solid 2 mph,barely keeping myself upright.It's right then and there I see the lap board go from 2 left,to 1 more to go.
Lap 5-I make it up the hill for the last time,all the way through the woods cleanly,albeit slowly,and back onto the pavement.I feel pretty alright again,snag a couple of clicks on my shifter and give it a full-tilt sprint to the finish.
We all finish,we're all happy,and we all had a shitload of fun.We hit the tent greeted by a "So how'd the downhiller group end up?"said by the race organizer,checked the instant results and TEAM DUMPED! ended up...
Garry T-4th.
Cam-7th.
Me-11th.
Cody-12th.
I think I beat a couple of under 14's,and maybe one or two 45+ guys,but all I know is I didn't end up last.That's pretty much all I wanted out of the night.So there you have it.A story of a group of lazy fucks who mainly ride in the form of gravity assisted going out and taking a whack at some shit roadies came up with so they had something to do in the offseason.Will we be back next week?It's up in the air,and spending $20 to get your dick pushed in is pretty steep.I can tell you forsure that,in this exact moment in time atleast, next year i'll be lined up at hopefully every race on a purpose built machine ready to get the shit kicked out of me while I have some fun.
So join me,if you will,for a personal account of TEAM DUMPED!'s first stab at a cross race from Wednesday,12/12/12.
4:45pm-Blast out the front doors at work and get into my car.I've got no money in my pocket and 15 minutes untill reg opens.Hammer over to the bank,hit the quick cash button on the ATM and make my way down to the Rodeo Grounds.
5:02pm-Make the scene and pull up next to Cam's truck.Garry T,Cam,and Cody have all been there since 4:30 and have already ridden a practice lap.Garry's on his dirtjump bike with the seatpost pulled up to the maximum height mark and a pair of SPD's slapped on,Cody nabbed a size small rental Camber 29 from work and is wearing shorts,a t-shirt,and a full cut Pro-Tec,despited it being in the low 50's with a chance for drizzle.Cam's seated aboard a clapped Diamondback X-link from the fucking turn of the Millenium with a skate helmet and goggles on.I ask them where reg is,fill out my waiver,hand over $25,and the only thing the girl who's running reg says to me is "There's a alot of you team dumped guys tonight.".Hurry back to my car so I can throw on a base layer,a flannel,some jeans,and a pair of near gripless Emericas,shoddily pin my number to somewhere on my back and raise the post of my Tazer like 2 inches,so atleast I can sit down kind of.At this point the race starts in about 10 minutes,no time for a practice lap.I'm going in blind.
5:30pm-The whistle blows and we're off.TEAM DUMPED! pulls a four man holeshot all the way through the first two straights,that is untill we hit the one and only hill on the course.I don't see it comming and pretty much try to grunt it out in something like 7th gear on my 36 tooth,11-25 set up.Pretty much everyone blows my doors off.Make it to the top with my knees all sorts of pissed off,spin across the parking lot and hit dirt.First stretch of dirt opens up with a greasy right handed flat corner into a series of soul sucking wet grass switchbacks,which if those wern't enough,a sand section was thrown half way in just to attempt to suck your liver out even more so.Got out of that mess and saw the trail pointed down,opened 'er up and made my way down the somewhat well lit but fucking snotty section that led us down into the woods.Multiple sections of off camber,wayyyy to tight of turns,a couple of barriers,and one hell of a muddy shithole make up a majority of the woods.I spin out in the mudhole and almost lose my shoe in it,clumsily make my way over the barriers,and almost go straight over the bars in a surprisingly deep G-out.A couple more pedal sections and some meandering turns and i'm back on the pavement.Lap one in the books.
Lap 2-I kind of catch my breath on the pavement,actaully pick the right gear to get up the hill in and sort of know where i'm going and what the course is like.I throw some roost here and there,make it through said shithole and actually start to see people again.At this point,i'm actually having fun.Every corner is greasy and causes some sort of drift to a varying degree.I'm feeling alright.According to the timing sheet I saw after the race this was also my quickest lap of the night.
Lap 3-Pretty much the same as lap 2.Still having fun,made my way around a couple of people and continue banging corners and hanging some feet off.Co-worker/homeboy/fit son of a bitch,Aaron,is behind me casually spinning along forcing me to keep going.
Lap 4-Now it sets in.My hands are numb from the cold,the band-aid that is keeping my previously sliced open at work pinky finger together is stuck to my grip,i've got mud in my eyes,my knees feel like they're going to explode,and my bike weighs an extra 10 pounds courtesy of all the mud stuck to it.There's no way my knees are letting me make it up that hill again,so I get off and shuffle my way up the short,but steep little bastard.Re-mount and hit dirt again.The switchbacky wet grass part nearly kills me,I spin out yet again in the shithole,and walk over the barriers.I make it onto the pavement doing a solid 2 mph,barely keeping myself upright.It's right then and there I see the lap board go from 2 left,to 1 more to go.
Lap 5-I make it up the hill for the last time,all the way through the woods cleanly,albeit slowly,and back onto the pavement.I feel pretty alright again,snag a couple of clicks on my shifter and give it a full-tilt sprint to the finish.
We all finish,we're all happy,and we all had a shitload of fun.We hit the tent greeted by a "So how'd the downhiller group end up?"said by the race organizer,checked the instant results and TEAM DUMPED! ended up...
Garry T-4th.
Cam-7th.
Me-11th.
Cody-12th.
I think I beat a couple of under 14's,and maybe one or two 45+ guys,but all I know is I didn't end up last.That's pretty much all I wanted out of the night.So there you have it.A story of a group of lazy fucks who mainly ride in the form of gravity assisted going out and taking a whack at some shit roadies came up with so they had something to do in the offseason.Will we be back next week?It's up in the air,and spending $20 to get your dick pushed in is pretty steep.I can tell you forsure that,in this exact moment in time atleast, next year i'll be lined up at hopefully every race on a purpose built machine ready to get the shit kicked out of me while I have some fun.
-TEAM DUMPED!
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